Shadow Work and Musings
Hey Reader,
I decided to ask myself why I would attract someone who I’ve met in a past life to uncover hidden traits within me and help me be more whole and move towards completeness — something I had forgotten over time.
I am reading this book called the The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford and it put into perspective exactly this concept of not owning parts of myself which were dark and considered to be looked down by society.
My soulmate who I thought was the one for me came up to me and said that he was still into his ex and he had no idea about it only that after spending ample time with me his subconscious mind brought it to this consciousness and he realised what was happening. I was amazed at first, confused next and then simply frustrated. I felt insulted and my EGO was so loud.
I decided that I needed to find the root cause of why I was feeling so triggered and upset with this one confession of his and after reading Chapter Six today it dawned on me that I too had done something like that and was treated very badly for confessing that I was into my ex after moving on and consciously knowing that I wasn’t. I felt terrible doing that at that time and this part of myself was hidden in my shadow self and came out in a very agitated manner on someone who I love so much in the present.
So, I decided to own this part of myself. Like the book suggested I stood in front of the mirror and said to myself — I am a liar. My heart welled up with emotion but I went on. Anger at the surface my ego at it’s loudest, my heart beating so fast. I went on and on. I am a liar. I said it to myself until I broke down. I couldn’t come to accept this part of myself for the longest time and after actually getting around to doing it, knowing that there is a gift in this aspect which I had tried to hide for so long I realised something so profound.
We attract people into our lives who are here to show us our shadow selves. Parts which we have hidden and covered and don’t want the world to discover. Parts we are not so proud of. Parts we feel guilt and shame around. However, all these parts make us. And we are the universe in its entirety. The things we cannot be with, won’t let us be.
Another example that came to mind. I have been called selfish by almost all my close friends. I didn’t like being called that so I decided that I am going to prove them all wrong and be self-less. I would say yes to everyone around me whoever asked for help and go out of my way to do things for people who I didn’t even know. Imagine where that led me? Just to prove to the world that I wasn’t selfish I would spend time and energy on people who didn’t even appreciate my efforts. So, I decided to embrace this aspect of myself and looked in the mirror, straight into my eyes and said — I am selfish. This one had me stuttering to continue as I felt weak in my knees after the first time itself. But I knew I had to face this aspect of myself to truly release it from my system and uncover the gift underneath. As I went on, my mind projected all the times I had been selfish. It slapped them across my mind’s eye until there were no more memories and the painful recollection was over.
Knowing that I was selfish was truly a gift as I had started being the exact opposite of that and become selfless and help others without any expectations with my time and energy. But owning this aspect of myself gave me the freedom to choose and now I could be selfish with my time and energy when I really needed to keep it to myself instead of giving it to someone else without feeling a need to prove anything to the world otherwise.
My beautiful manifestors, uncovering this shit is not easy. I take it one step at a time and clearing this stuck energy opens my aura to a higher frequency and hence instant manifestations. Remember manifesting is an art and you can do it as you like it. But also being gentle with yourself and taking time off not only accelerates the process but also helps you realise your own value.
I love you, beautiful, powerful, marvellous soul.
Keep Manifesting!
Desi Manifestor.
